Have you ever been coasting through life, living the day dream, and then get smacked in the face with transition? A huge opportunity presents itself, you know it’s the right thing, but you’re not sure if you really want to do it?

This is how we ended 2021. An opportunity presented itself, and it was a get on the train or get left behind scenario.

In mid August, we learned that a piece of family land had come available, and we knew God was telling us to buy it. We listed our house, and in 2 days we had a cash offer for asking.

After settling on a 45 day escrow, we began purging and packing. We would be moving out of our nice 1800 square foot home into an 800 square foot home built 100 years ago… No I’m not exaggerating. We were also not granted access to the property until October 4; our escrow was scheduled to close on October 19. We spent the first week of October at our “new” house ripping out carpet, painting, cleaning, installing floors, and appliances. My husband managed most of that, while I was purging and packing our old house. Those 19 days were some of the most exhausting but rewarding days we have ever experienced.

We moved on October 15, and thanks to a wonderful group of friends, we were able to get everything done. I went back to work on October 18 after taking the week before off to move. At 4pm I received an email from the school saying that my daughter had been in a direct contact with an individual in her class who tested positive for COVID. I had left her at home with my mother-in-law that day because she was running a fever. (Sure glad our school voted to keep those masks… they really prevented the spread… NOT!) Just a small side note here… the biggest out break our small town saw was in the school… just sayin’. I immediately knew that she was positive. I quickly finished up my last hour of work, and left not knowing it would be the last time I would be an employee at our little community hospital.

My daughter sure enough, tested positive and we were on lockdown. Thanks to the clear as mud state mandates the only person in our family with a clear release date from quarantine was my daughter. My husband and I were on a day by day deal. Finally my husband was told that even though he tested negative and was not showing any symptoms, he was to be on a 28 day quarantine. (Now as I’m writing this the CDC just changed things to a 5 day quarantine haha… never a dull moment). For me, it was literally week by week. I was told that I was not allowed to return until I was cleared by our county…. and I was not contacted by our county until 20 days into our “quarantine”.

My daughter returned to school after her 10 day quarantine, and I decided to go in to sign up at her school to be a volunteer. While in the district office filling out the volunteer paperwork, a family friend mentioned 3 open aide positions available at the school, and asked if I was interested. Though I had not been praying specifically on being an aide for the school, I had been asking God for more time. More time with my kids, more time to pour into my writing, and more time to pour into the kids ministry at our church. Our recent move had freed things in our budget to where my paycheck was no longer essential. This was an open door.

After interviewing, I was offered the job at the school and I accepted it. Though I knew this was an open door, and something I was being called to do, it did not come easy. I have been in the medical field since I was 19 years old. It is all I know, and it is what I love. It has been an ongoing battle since I started, and this post has been sitting because I could not bring myself to finish it. I would be lying if I told you that I have loved every minute of this new job, and “new” house.  I have struggled with boredom, and with not feeling like I was living to my “potential.” One of my good friends told me that because I have worked in the medical field for so long, that I have been conditioned to thrive under intense pressure, and now that I am not in that environment anymore, I am struggling with “FOMO”. There have been times where both my husband and I have sat down and asked each-other “what did we just do?” and “what in the world are we doing?”, and the truth is neither one of us know. One thing we do know is this:  “For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11. Even as I am writing this, we are taking it one day at a time.

I am writing all this to say that obedience is not easy. It is simple, but it is not easy. As I was reflecting back on my journals from 2021, the pages were all filled with me declaring to the Lord that wherever He takes me I will follow. I will give up anything to follow His path. This is exactly what I did. I gave up a home I loved that my husband and designed and customized, for an 800 square foot home left in less than optimal shape. I gave up my garage gym (those who know me, know I’m a workout junkie. Shout out to Street Parking!) for small mat with some dumbells in my laundry room. I gave up a job in the medical field that I had worked so hard to get, for a lower paying job at my daughter’s school.

“I have shown you in every way, by laboring like this, that you must support the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, ‘It is more blessed to give than receive.'” Acts 20:35 (NKJV).

In one of my wrestling matches with God, as I was resisting where He was asking me to go, He revealed the above verse to me, and spoke this so clear to my spirit: “Open your eyes to My world, and do not be clouded by your own. Your assignment in heaven is greater than what you could ever imagine. Let go. Stop resisting and wrestling Me. You will NOT win. Show up, and give 100% of yourself everyday. It is better to give than to receive. Think about that: It is better give yourself where I have placed you, than to receive the worldly satisfaction and fulfillment of where you once were. Trust Me, and you will receive all the spiritual satisfaction and fulfillment you could ever need.”

You see, doing the things God asks us to do does not always look normal to the secular world, and the things we once knew are not always easy to let go of. Look at the Israelites! They wanted to go back to Egypt… to slavery! When God is calling you to something, or has placed you in something that seems uncomfortable embrace it. Press into it. The things He asks us to do feed our spirits, but not our flesh. Dealing with our flesh and the desires of our flesh is not an easy thing to do… once again it is simple, but it is not easy.

I know this is a long post, and those who have hung in there thank you. I’m going to end with this verse in Psalms from the passion translation. It has been life to me through this transition.

“I hear the Lord saying, ‘I will stay close to you,
instructing and guiding you along the pathway of your life.
I will advise you along the way,
and lead you forth with My eyes as your guide.
So don’t make it difficult; don’t be stubborn
when I take you where you have not been before.
Don’t make Me tug you and pull you along.
Just come with Me. (Psalm 32:8-9).

More Inspiration:

• Matthew 7:7 (TPT) “Ask, and theft is yours. Seek and you’ll discover. Knock and the door will be opened for you. For every persistent one will get what he asks for. Every persistent seeker will discover what he longs for. And everyone who knocks persistently will one day find an open door.” 
• Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV) “For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you future and a hope.”
• “Truth’s shining light guides me in my choices and decisions; the revelation of your Word makes my pathway clear.” Psalm 119:105 (TPT)

Do you trust Me the way I trust you?

Do you trust Me to see this through?

Do you trust that I will keep you from wandering?

Do you look at Me in all your pondering?

Do you believe the promises I have spoken to your heart?

Do you trust that I finish what I start?

Do you believe I am with you?

As you think, wrestle and stew?

Do you trust that I stretch out My hand?

Giving you the power to stand?

Do you believe in your weakness I am strong?

Do you trust that I will guide you in song?

Do you believe in Me?

Allow Me to open your eyes to see. 

Let Me show you all you are created to be.

Trust Me the way I trust you,

Pursue Me the way I pursue you,

And I will be with you in all that you do. 

I have placed you behind enemy lines,

Rooted in Me with outstretched vines.

A sheep among wolves, equipped with a Lion,

Leading the lost and broken to Zion.

Here, choices aren't as obvious as they seem,

Deception is the root of the devil's dream.

Fiery darts blazing to and fro,

Distraction's claws pulling you low.

Confusion, angst, and worry

Circumstances making lines blurry.

Bring your focus back to Me,

and I will show you what few can see.

Serving here is no easy task,

Lies and deception I will soon unmask. 

Rulers will fall, and heartache will follow.

The prince of the earth, defeated, will wallow.

Trumpets will sound

Prisoners will be unbound.

The sick will be healed,

Souls will be sealed.

Your service behind enemy lines

Is what shows others to live by My design. 

The words of Psalm 46 seem to resound in my Spirit in the day in which we are living.  They culminate in verse 19 with this declaration; “Be Still and Know that I am God! “  With the so called Pandemic we find ourselves restricted in many ways by government overreach.  These restrictions and restraints demand modification of the way we live and function. With masks, stay at home requirements, social restrictions of many kinds, one would think if there were any good thing that could possibly come out of all this it would be more time to do things we never found time to do because of the busyness of everyday living prior to the Covid 19 scare.  Often that is not the case and though the routine has stopped the busyness marches on.  Our love affair with our cell phones and computers and tablets, though these have a wealth of information have assaulted our individual quietness and wounded our ability to think and reason for ourselves beyond the package of information they provide for us to assimilate.  These, in many ways resemble a pacifier a mother sticks in a child’s mouth.  It has no real nourishment and the baby is satisfied because it resembles a nipple close enough to allow it’s thinking to abandon reality.

Social media, television, Hollywood, and other forms of communication, taking advantage of our busyness, have led us into the McDonalds quiet time.  “You deserve a break today.”  Only the break the world provides has nothing to do with silence or quietness before the Lord. It provides alternative modes of busyness we consume that are often vacuous modes of influence that forbid our being still and knowing God as He reveals Himself in stillness.  For many, a day without television or a cell phone, or a computer would cause anxiety beyond measure.  Even in houses of worship there is little time for silence before God, just waiting to see and hear what He has to say.  We demand He speak to us in all our busyness without disturbing our categories or we do not otherwise hear Him.  In houses of worship one would be hard pressed to find even ten minutes of silence during a service.  We take little time to clear our mind and sit in quiet submission to the Holy Spirit.

G. R. Hawtin wrote these penetrating words……………

If you will but listen, his voice is always speaking, telling of His eternal goodness, omniscience, and power.  The marvels of the starry heavens, the day that follows night, the rain that gives life to the earth, the ship that sunders the sea, the bird that flies, the horse that gallops, the motionless rose and the still stone, the smile of a child, the palm tree that bends in the winds, the date that ripens---these all speak of His goodness and wisdom.  The trees sing of His power; the flowers waft their perfume toward Him.  He is Lord of the pink morning, the white noon and the blue evening. 

    You do not have to shout your faith;
    Thrice eloquent are the quiet trees,
    And the green listening sod.
    Hushed are the stars,
    Whose power is never spent;
    The hills are mute,
    But how they speak of God.

Yes, God is always speaking.  But there is a secret to hearing His voice.  It will not be heard above the excited babble and din of the throng.  He will not shout to drown other voices that clamor to be heard.  He waits till all other voices are stilled and you have put away from your heart and mind all your own striving, and the din of the multitude who shouts for your attention has completely died away.  You must become insensible to the sound of all other voices and hear only the voice of His Spirit speaking to your spirit.

A Tic Toc video was recently sent to me where a man was asked why a good God would send people to hell. He answered in a way I had never heard before. He said that God does not send anyone to hell. Our sin has sent us on a pathway to hell, and God sent His Son to save us from that hell. He then compared it to a sinking ship. The ship is going to sink, no matter what anyone does, it will sink. There are life boats on the ship, and you can choose to save yourself and get on the life boat or you can drown, but either way the ship will sink. What I loved about this is that it took God out of the firing line. He doesn’t send people to hell, but gives us a choice. Are we going to get into the life boat? Or are we going to drown?

“Let your eyelids look straight ahead, and your eyelids look right before you. Ponder the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established. Do not turn to the right or to the left. Remove your foot from evil.” Proverbs 4:25-26. Let me paint you little picture. Your alarm goes off early Monday morning. Groggy from your weekend Netflix binge, you stumble to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. You sit on the couch pull out your phone and start scrolling through instagram as you sip your coffee and prepare for the day. You see Sally just bought a new car. Didn’t her and her husband just buy a new house too? Hmmmm how does she afford that? How much debt is she in? I wish I had a car like that. I wish my house looked like that…. Catch my drift. Here’s another scenario: instead of opening up social media, you start scrolling the news. You notice another policy you don’t agree with has just passed, or a politician has a sexual assault lawsuit out against them. Somehow with every headline, the world is ending, and you think to yourself… well that’s a bummer, but what can I do about it.

You finish your coffee, and get dressed for work. When you get to work, you get the scoop on the weekend gossip. Your phone goes off with a text message from one of your friends with something else juicy that has happened this weekend. You begin to participate in the conversation with this little tid bit that was just texted to you. What’s a little shop talk right? Completely innocent right? As you go through the day, you get more bits of information, talk more about your opinion on the situation, and what you would do. Your coworker then comes to you for advise on something you know deep down is wrong, but instead of telling her the truth, you condone what she is doing. You wound’t want to offend her… I mean to each their own right? “The way of the wicked is like darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble.” Proverbs 4:19.

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there is many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” Matthew 7:13. Let me paint another picture for you. Your alarm goes off early Monday morning. Groggy you stumble into the kitchen and pour yourself a cup of coffee (yes both scenarios involve coffee… coffee is never left out).You sit at your favorite spot on your couch, sip your coffee and begin to pray asking The Holy Spirit to reveal to you what He has for you today. You open your bible and begin to feast. As the text comes alive He reminds you that in His presence you are untouchable. He tells you that in this world, you grow weary, but He restores you. Your cup is emptied but He fills it. He tells you to seek Him the way He seeks you. He tells you that His love for you surpasses any comprehension of the human mind. He tells you to be wary, and not to fall victim to distraction. He reminds you to focus on Him, because He is your shield in the shadows of this fallen world. He is your protector. Feeling revitalized and refreshed you finish your coffee and get ready for the day.

On your way to work, you hear the news headlines stream through the radio. Immediately you begin to pray with authority over each headline because you are a watchman in Christ, and your prayers can move mountains. When you get to work, you walk by as your coworkers participate in the gossip from the weekend. Proverbs 7:17 “He who passes by and meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a dog by the ears,” speaks to your spirit. You sit down and notice a text message from your friend that is relevant to what your coworkers are talking about. You ignore the message and continue on with your work. Later your coworker comes to you for advice on a problem. The Holy Spirit tells you that the reason she is coming to you is because she knows you will be truthful. You listen to the ins an outs of her story, and then with a heart full of love, you speak truth into her life. On your way home from work, you run into Sally at the grocery store and congratulate her on her new car and house. 

The level of distraction in the world is  higher than it has ever been. As you can see in the scenarios painted above, giving into distractions of this world can make or break the day to day of your life. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. If we are living in this dream land of Netflix, social media, and what everyone else is doing, we are missing the big picture! “Behold, I am coming quickly! Blessed is he who keeps the words of this prophets of this book.” Revelation 22:7. Distractions have consumed the church so much that we are only in church on Sunday’s, and then go about our business the rest of the week. Hours are spent scrolling, binge watching, double tapping, and swiping. Isaiah 29:13 says “inasmuch as these people draw near with their mouths and honor Me with their lips, but have removed their hearts far from Me, and their fear toward Me is taught by the commandment of man.” Our relationships have been diminished by distractions. When you are distracted, the enemy comes and takes you out. Ephesians 6:18 tells us to “pray always with prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints.” Watchful to the end… notice that the closer we are getting to the end, the more our distractions have increased. How can we be watchful in  Netflix land? How can be watchful with a phone glued to our hand and face? How are we watchful when we are consumed with the lives other people are living? 

The devil wants as many souls as he can get, and will do everything he can to distract people from God. He confuses, lies, steals, and destroys. He brings havoc, and unclarity. He brings anxiety, depression, and chaos. He doesn’t want you to get where God has called you to be. He isn’t afraid of you, He is afraid of the anointing God has on your life, and he will do everything he can to prevent it from happening. Enter Holy Spirit. We are so blessed to have an indwelling of the Holy Spirit. A Spirit of discernment. 2nd Corinthians 4:10 says “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.” Our weapons are not of this world, but are mighty in God. Our weapons tear down the strongholds of distraction. God has given us the right to choose. Do you see how beautiful this is? We are not condemned to the ways of this world. We don’t have to go to hell with it. We are His bride, waiting for Him to come back for us. We get to choose not to be tormented by the enemy. In Him we are UNTOUCHABLE. In Him we are a new creation. We can choose to truly give Him our anxieties and take His peace. We have a choice to live an eternal life. There will always be two trees in the garden. Which tree will you chose?

Have you ever made a mistake? Have you ever thought you heard something, felt something, known something, but misinterpreted it somehow? Have you ever jumped too quickly on a decision because you were sure God was telling you to do it, but then had to back pedal? Have you ever been left wondering who you are? What your role is? Have you been caught up in your own thoughts trying to figure a way out of the situation and or mess your choices got you in? You keep striving for this thing that you thought was the right thing. You keep pushing forward only to be stonewalled, and left more confused then when you started out. 

What about this… have you ever made a decision in the moment without really thinking or praying it through? Have you ever felt that if you didn’t give your answer right away, you would miss out on something huge? Have you ever been so eager for something, you jump at the slightest thing that resembles the very thing you want, but it isn’t quite what you want? Have you ever settled for less because you weren’t patient enough to wait for the true outcome? Have you ever felt like you were stuck between a rock and a hard place, so you made a decision you later regretted? 

Did you answer yes to any of these questions? Could you relate with anything stated above? If your answer is no, then please, I would love to touch the hem of your garment, and you probably can stop reading here; but if you answered yes, I’m here to tell you, you are not alone. My friend, you are being molded. Theses experiences, these choices, are all part of the process, His process. “But now, O Lord, You are our Father; We are the clay, and You are our potter; and we are the work of Your hand.”Isaiah 64:8 (NKJV). We are being molded into His image, all in preparation for His assignment for us. There is a learning curve to this path, and He doesn’t expect us to walk in perfection, but to walk with integrity and humility.

“The foolishness of man twists his way, and his heart frets against the Lord.” Proverbs 19:3 (NKJV) Isn’t it interesting when you are searching and waiting for your version of the “right” answer, God is silent? I don’t know about you, but when I am waiting in the flesh, I am not really waiting. I am “waiting”, but I am constantly searching for the answer I want to hear. I am looking for my solution, instead of His solution. Then I rationalize why my answer is the right answer, and how it must be God’s plan because it feels good. It’s in my comfort zone, and it is something that I want to do. But when did God promise to keep us in our comfort zone? Was David comfortable when faced Goliath? What about Esther when she faced King Ahasuerus? Or Moses when he was told to part the Red Sea? Or Jonah on his way to Ninevah? Jonah was bold enough to say no… but that didn’t workout to well for him. Scripture tells us that we are most extraordinary when we step out of the ordinary, and we are obedient to what He is calling us to do.

If you find yourself lost and confused, let me ask you this. Are you living for yourself? For your plan? For what you would like to see happen? Or are you living for Jesus? Are you living in true surrender to Him and His path? If you are following Him, and surrendering to Him, know that you have been strategically placed. He is not going to allow you to miss anything, so stop worrying that you are missing something. You’re not. The Holy Spirit will give you clarity when something big is coming. He will place you where you need to be, and will open doors no man can close. Believe what God is telling you and be comfortable where you are. Stop waiting for the next big thing, or looking to tomorrow. Live for today. Live for right now, and surrender to what God is doing in your life in this moment. Meditate on what He is preparing you for right now. He may be protecting you from something that you are not ready for. 

“And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.” Colossians 3:23-24. I challenge you to meditate on this verse whenever you are struggling with where you are on your path. If you are following Christ, if you are surrendering to His will for you, and listening to His assignment for you, then don’t question it. Don’t doubt it, don’t wander from it, and don’t grow weary. “He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6. He WILL see you through this. He WILL see you through your mistakes, and He will right your wrongs, but you have to step out of His way and allow Him to. Psalm 139 says that if you ascend into heaven, HE IS THERE; and if you make your bed in hell, HE IS THERE. He is with us in our highs and our lows. In our mistakes, and our obedience. The only thing that changes is our awareness of His presence, and our willingness to surrender to what He is asking us. 

Suffering is defined as “pain in a broad sense, and may be an experience of unpleasantness and aversion associated with the perception of harm or threat of harm in an individual. ” America has been in a constant state of “suffering” or at least she thinks she has been. 2020 brought its challenges, suffering, and hardships, and I am in no way negating that. I do however think we need to put some perspective on what true suffering is. The book of Job provides just that. The book opens up, with Satan going to God, and challenging Him regarding His servant Job. Satan tells God, that the only reason Job is faithful to Him is because he hasn’t experienced anything. He hasn’t suffered. Satan argues, that of course Job is going to praise God, everything is good for him. Satan questions God, asking Him what Job would do if everything was stripped from him. “And  the Lord said to satan, ‘behold, all that he has is in your power; only do not harm his person.’” Job 1:12 (NKJV). Satan goes from God’s presence, and begins his torment on Job. 

Through the book, we walk with Job as everything is taken from him… and I mean EVERYTHING. In the first two chapters he loses his family, his home, his servants, his animals, his land, his friends, and his health. This book is a tough book to get through if you’re looking at through the natural view, and that is why I think a lot of people shy away from it. But when looking at it through a spiritual lens, great lessons can be pulled from it.

As I worked through the book, I couldn’t help but notice the contrast between Job’s “friends” and our society today. In Job chapter 4, his “friend” Eliphaz tells Job that this is happening to him because he has sinned against God. He questions Job in verses 4-6 saying, “Your words have upheld him who was stumbling, and you have strengthened the feeble knees; but now it comes on you, and you are weary; it touches you and you are troubled. Is not your reverence your confidence? And the integrity of your ways your hope?”  Sound familiar? Our society is so quick to jump on those who are grieving, and going through a storm that they belittle a situation. They try to reason another’s grief because it makes them uncomfortable. Here, instead of allowing Job, who mind you, just lost everything, to grieve, he basically tells him to buck up. He gives him the “aren’t you a Christian speech.” Have you ever heard that? Aren’t you a Christian? You shouldn’t be feeling like this. If you truly believed in God, you wouldn’t be so upset, and you wouldn’t question anything.

After 30 chapters of his friends trying to “help” him through his grief, God enters the scene. In chapter 38, when Job is at his weakest state mentally and physically he questions God, and His response is powerful. “Who is this who darkens counsel, by words without knowledge? Now prepare yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me. Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements? Surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? To what were its foundations fastened? Or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?” Job 38:2-7 (NKJV). This chapter continues into the next chapter with God basically asking Job “who are you to question Me?”

As I was reading this, God began to reveal things to me. Our society has been crippled by our need to understand. The spirit of entitlement has created false sense of confidence that we are owed some sort of explanation for why bad things happen to good people. This need to understand in the world view what God does in the spiritual realm is capping our faith. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Proverbs 9:9. If we are constantly searching for the reason to why bad things happen, we are looking at understanding all wrong. Our understanding begins in knowledge of the Holy One. Where understanding ends, faith begins. “We don’t believe because we understand. We understand because we believe.” (Hosting the Presence, Bill Johnson). 

Ecclesiastes 1:18(NKJV) “For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.” This same spirit of entitlement is stripping us of our ability to truly suffer the way Job did. Looking at this concept through a world lens, one would think this is a good thing. Who wants to suffer right? Honestly, does anyone truly desire to walk through what Job walked through? I know I don’t. But we have become so fearful, and far from suffering as an American culture. My generation thinks they are owed something for their hardships, and challenges. They look to the government to fix their problems instead of God. They have turned away from God, blaming Him for the hardships America has faced. Why would such a good God do such a horrible thing? Or  why would God allow all of these horrible things to happen? These are only a few of the questions that circulate among secular cohorts. The problem with this thought pattern, T is that people fail to realize that through suffering a great teaching takes place, and through surrender great wisdom is obtained. “But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.” Job 23:10 (NKJV). It is in true suffering that we are able to distinguish His still small voice. It is in true suffering, where there is nowhere else to turn, and everything else has failed, that clear voice rings through. The trick is learning to listen.

God continues in chapters 38-39 to ask Job to listen to Him, and respond like a man while He continues to demonstrate to him how mighty He is. If you haven’t read this portion of scripture I highly recommend it. These two chapters do not even begin to scratch the surface to what He is capable of, and what He does. He tells the sun to rise and set, He brings the rain, He commands the seas, and in the midst of it all He fights our battles. He is the ruler of all things, yet you still matter to Him. Your life, your struggles, your hardships, your thoughts, your desires, your fears, your anxieties, your hopes, your dreams… all of it. You matter to Him, does He matter to you? Is the big picture clear yet? We but a speck in this grand design, yet we matter. We are but a speck, but He gave us His son so we could be with Him forever, and we question Him? We are not equipped for the answers to our “why God’s” nor are we entitled to them.

God does not owe us anything…. He gave us His son, and we are not worthy of Him, but He did it. He did it because He gave us His all, so we could  have all of Him. Why are we struggling to do the same? Stop holding God to promises He didn’t make. He never said that we would be without suffering, and without pain… He actually said the opposite. Wisdom lies in suffering with submission. Submitting and surrendering ALL to Him in your suffering will bring out with clarity, strength and peace that surpasses all understanding.

“The Extreme One is calling out extreme ones to come follow Him. It is with that group He will change the world.” Bill Johnson-Hosting the Presence. Are you an extreme one willing to be used by the Extreme One? Are you willing? Wisdom not only lies in suffering, but in the willing as well. Are you willing to walk in your assignment to reach your destination? Our children need us. Are you willing to raise up the lost generation? To break the chains of entitlement? To teach them how to deal with suffering, and the ways of the world? Are you ready to break the Bible illiteracy that also sweeping our nation? Are you willing to set aside your agenda for His? As I said before, He doesn’t owe us anything, but He gave us everything.  He is the Alpha and the Omega. We can question why things happen, but know we are not equipped to know the answers yet. Things will be revealed in due time. We all have a special assignment, a special roll, but it is all about timing. His timing. With wisdom comes maturity. We will have understanding when He reveals it to us if we trust Him. Give Him your all, and He will give you His. 

I have called you to stand,

To know I have restored healing to your land.

I have called you to fight,

And stand firm in My might.

I have called you to believe.

Ask and you will receive.

Stand My child! Stand,

With your brothers and sisters hand in hand.

Stand with Me and sing,

Watch all the blessings I bring.

Hand over to  Me this battle,

And you will surely see a rattle. 

Be still and know My voice,

For I am the ultimate choice. 

“Though, I speak with the of tongues men and of angels, but have not love I have become sounding brass and clanging symbols.” 1st Corinthians 13:1

2020… right? The year that keeps on giving. From Corona virus, to riots, to wildfires, to catastrophic storms, to earthquakes, back to wildfires, then a little more corona virus, and then back to riots. Add a Presidential Election, and we have had quite the year… and we still have 3 months to go. This year has hands down been one of most trying years in history, and it has happened at such a rapid rate, many have been left stunned and shocked. I don’t know about you, but there have been quite a few times this year where I just wanted to wake up and have this all be over. I watch the news with my jaw dropped thinking how did we get here? When did we get here? When did people get to be so crazy? What happened? I have had to spiritually check myself more times this year, then I ever have. 

As I was talking to my grandpa this summer about all of the political turmoil, riots, hate, and division, he said to me, “Tori, it’s not a matter of right and wrong, it’s a matter of love.” For the longest time, I could not figure out what he meant by that. How can we love right now? How do we love individuals that are tearing down our national monuments? Killing and hurting our police officers? Destroying small businesses? Telling us that we are systemically racist if we don’t support their cause? Establishments are being forced into supporting a cause that defunds our police, and wants to completely disrupt everything this country stands for. This terrorist organization is using fear tactics to get people to do what they want. Where does love fit into all of this?

Ephesians 6:12 says “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” This is a verse that I have quoted before, a verse that I have read before and used before, but the meaning has not truly resonated with me until now. You don’t have to be a bible scholar to see we are in one of the biggest spiritual battles the human race has ever seen. As Christians we are in the fight of our lives. This year alone we have fought constantly for our right to worship, for our right to gather, for our right to lay hands, to hug, to touch, and to sing. Church doors closed while street corners opened. Christians sat in their homes while others gathered in the street to practice their 1st Amendment right. How does one keep their cool when there is such a double standard? How do we fight this fight in love? How do we replace anger, resentment and bitterness with love? 

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in truth; bears all things; believes all things; hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 1st Corinthians 13:4-8. This my friends… this is where our answer lies. God is love. He suffers long and is kind for us. He does not envy, He does not parade Himself and is not puffed up. He does not behave rudely or seek His own. He is not provoked, and He thinks no evil. He rejoices in truth, He bears all things, promises all things, and endures all things. God never fails, so in turn, in Him we never fail. Psalm 138:7-8 says “Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You WILL revive me. You WILL stretch out Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and Your right hand WILL save me. The Lord WILL perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy endures FOREVER; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.” Four times in this verse, the word WILL is used. He WILL revive us, stretch His hand against the wrath of our enemies, and WILL perfect all that which concerns us. Take Him at His word. Rest in this verse as things rage out of control.

If God is love, and without God we are nothing, by that account without love we are nothing. It is not a matter of right or wrong, it matter of God. I’m not here to tell you how to love. I’m not here to tell you to stop being angry, and by no means have all the answers, but I do know there is no way out of this without God. He is the only answer. He is faithful, He is so good, and He loves us enough to bear all things for us. He loves us enough to suffer for us. He loves us enough to seek us and not His own. He is our protecter, and our Father. He will see us through to the finish. All He wants from us is our whole heart, not parts of it, but ALL of it. He wants us to turn to Him for answers, not to anger, bitterness and hate. He wants us to stand united as His body so He can raise us up. Through Him, we WILL endure ALL things. We will suffer long, but we WILL NOT FAIL. 

His way is in the whirlwind and in the storm;
It is here He calls us to perform.
The clouds come in, and the winds rage;
This is where He opens our cage.
We step out and stand in the eye;
Watching all the pain and heartache blow by.
Thunder booms, lightening strikes, rain begins to pour;
His love washes over us, as we cry out for more.
We look up to the sky,
Knowing it is not our job to ask why.
Spirit filled with resurrecting power;
We go forth not allowing evil to devour.
Step by step He leads us through,
Filling us with the strength to pursue.
It is here in the eye of the storm,
His love and mercy allows us to transform.

“But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; He is their strength in the time of trouble. And the Lord shall help them and deliver them; He shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust Him.” Psalm 37:39-40

Covid-19 hit our little town this week, and it was a wake up call for the entire town. Like everywhere else, our little town is not equipped to take this pandemic on. We have limited resources, and limited healthcare providers. If you look at our population versus our hospital’s capacity, the odds are not in our favor. Then, if you add all the climbers, hikers, and backpackers that have decided to vacation here during this crisis, the odds even more are not our favor. This has been a hypothetical for us for weeks, but when I saw notification from the health department with our first positive test, reality soon set in.

I began looking at the numbers, and what this could mean for this little town I have grown to love so much. The more I thought about it, a nagging fear started to creep in. That fear grew into anxiety, and worry. I felt my chest get tight, my skin began to hurt, and my heart began to pound. I started to get mad. Mad at God… why God? Why now? There are so many seniors graduating from highschool, colleges are shutting down and students aren’t getting reimbursed, weddings are being postponed, and funerals cannot be held. Our little town full of small businesses, has been shut down. These small businesses, the heart beats of our town, are facing potential bankruptcy. What is this going to mean? How are we ever going to get back to normal after this? Is our new normal wearing masks when we leave the house? Gloves to get gas and push a grocery cart? Zoom dates? Social distancing? Elbow bumps? Not hugging those we love most when we just need a hug? Really God? Is this what our normal is? In all of this I began to clean my house, something I do when I am stressed and weighed down. As I was ranting, He gently reminded me of the two things He had spoken to me before all of this hit: “This too shall pass, and you were created for such a time as this.” I want to say that these gentle reminders snapped me out of my anxiety attack… but they didn’t. I pushed back. Well, when God? When will this pass? I don’t want to do this. I don’t want things to be like this. I don’t want Cole’s T-ball season to be cancelled. I don’t want Maci’s kindergarten graduation to be cancelled, I just want things to go back to the way they were. This is too much for me, so no thank you, I decline. Well my friends, “declining” is not really an option when God places you in a situation… and we have all been placed in this situation. After I “declined”, clearer than I have ever heard His voice before He said to me, “Tori, I have never doubted you, why are you doubting Me?” And just like that, I snapped out of it.

Here is what He revealed to me. GOD DOES NOT DOUBT! Here are some examples:

1. In Genesis, God told Noah to build an ark… and then FLOODED THE ENTIRE PLANET… do think Noah had some doubts? God didn’t.
2. In Exodus, Moses went up against pharaoh, parted the Red Sea, and brought water from a rock… WATER FROM A ROCK. Moses had doubts… God didn’t.
3. In Judges, God told Gideon to conquer the Midianites. Gideon doubted so much that he asked God for a sign… more than once. God cut his army in half, and sent him out and he was victorious. God didn’t doubt.
4. David took on Goliath with a rock.
5. Esther stood up to King Anasuers for the sake of her people.
6. Jonah went to Nineveh.
7. Job had his entire life stripped away.
8. Peter walked on water.
9. Jesus’ disciples cast out demons.
10. Jesus fed 5,000 with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. 

All this to say that all of these people had doubts when God called them to do the seemingly impossible, but not once did God doubt them, and He doesn’t doubt you either. This virus is here, and things look grim, but we were all created for such a time as this. He doesn’t set us up for failure. Ephesians 1:4 says “just as He chose us in Him BEFORE THE FOUNDATION OF THE WORLD…” He knew this was coming, and He placed you right where you are. So if you’re staying home, pray. Pray for our front-liners, pray against this virus. If you’re on the front-line, pray. He is with you in all of this, and He knows how this all ends. The power of prayer is incredible. Even if you don’t feel it, pray, and keep praying until you feel it.This virus seems impossible. It seems impossible to conquer and get back to normal, and if you look at things logically this may not end well. Romans 8:6 “For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” Look at things logically so you know the facts, but don’t fix your mind on it. He is setting us up for a miracle! It is okay to have fear and doubts… Those emotions are what makes us human, but we must not let them run our life. The Bible is not a hypothetical. For any of you reading out there that aren’t believers or that are skeptical, or think I’m completely insane, start believing, a miracle is coming… just wait for it. 

What are the weeds in your life? What are you struggling with? Pause and think about it for a second. Quiet your mind and quiet your heart. What is the Holy Spirit bringing to the surface? What whispers are attacking you? What is tormenting you? Really take a second to pause and think about it. 

What came to the surface? Focus on that as you read the following. What is the weed in your life? It could be the only weed, it could be one of many weeds. However, what came up is what the Holy Spirit wants you to deal with right now. Really focus in on this weed right now. What is it doing to your life? Is it overpowering you? Is it suffocating you? Are you watering it? Are you listening to the whispers that are trying to torment you? Is it filling you with anxiety? Is it crippling you? Are you stressed, directionless and desperately trying to control things around you? Are you trying to control the weed? Really press in right now and recognize everything this weed is doing to you and the impact it is having on your life. Take a minute. You have time. You stopped to read this post…. So really read it, and take a minute to reflect.

Is this weed creating tension in your life? The more tension you have in your life without God, the more suffocated you feel. The more you water your weed, the more you isolate yourself. You may not even realize it. Stress, depression, and anxiety breeds isolation. Isolation is weed fertilizer. If the devil can get you alone in your anxious thoughts, he will torment you. He will validate you and tell you whatever you are thinking about doing is okay because of A, B or C. I am here to tell you friends, that IT IS NOT! I know you know deep down that whatever you are wrestling over is not okay, and no amount of self justification or validation from others will make it okay. 

Now, introduce Jesus to your weed. He is the seed of your life. Water your seed, not your weed. He is your ultimate Gardner. If you allow Him to, He will remove your weeds starting with the one you are focusing on right now. When you are suffocating, He gives you breath. When you are crippled by your situation, He tells you to get up and walk. Come to Him with a humble heart. He wants to help you. He desires harmony with you. Let go of your control and give it to Him. Choose Him, and everything will be okay. Choose Him and He will see you through this. Choose Him and you will overcome. He has fought this battle for you already, and has won. Choose Him, not the ways of the world. Choose Him, not what society is telling you. Look to your spirit, not your flesh. With Him you have already conquered your weed. Just choose Him. Lean on Him. Bring it all to Him. Lay it at His feet. You are victorious, and He will guide you through the unknown. 

Go back to the basics my friends. Take day by day, moment by moment. Take things as they come. We are not designed to conquer everything at once. God designed us to lean on Him and to need Him. He wants to help us, and our difficult circumstances are not always from the devil. Sometimes they come from Him. He is trying to get our attention.. be aware of that. Press into your circumstance… whatever it may be. Learn from it, and grow. God will never leave you stranded. You are not abandoned. What He started in you, He WILL finish. 

INSPIRED BY:
“Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.” Hebrews 2:1

“A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment.” Proverbs 18:1

“Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me.” John 5:5-7

What if I fail?
With Me, you will succeed.

What if this is not what I was meant to do?
You are fulfilling the calling I have on your life.

What if I am making a mistake?
There are no mistakes with Me.

What if I can’t?
With Me, all things are possible.

What if I don’t meet other’s expectations?
With Me, you will exceed all expectations.

What if I heard wrong?
I have given you discernment. Listen to Me.

What if people don’t like what I say?
Let Me sow the seed.

What if I cause conflict?
I am resolution.

What if I become stagnant?
Step into My current. 

What if this isn’t what I thought it would be?

Through Me, it will be more than you ever thought it would be. 

When God is calling you to do something, do it. Walk out in faith and do not listen to the negative “what if” that pops into your head. When you do what you are supposed to do you, “what if” will be replaced with “what will.” You WILL have conflict because without conflict there cannot be resolution. Without conflict we cannot grow into who Christ has called us to be. You will have trouble, but YOU WILL NOT FAIL. Christ will never put you in a situation that you can’t handle. You will succeed. You will make mistakes, and He will guide you through them. You can and WILL do all things through Christ who strengthens you because He chose you to do it. Say yes until He says no. Be you and you will exceed all expectations. Be humble and be aware. Step out in the confidence He has already given you, and be brave. Say what needs to be said WHEN it needs to be said, and BE SILENT when you are led to be silent. When you speak the words He gives, you will be heard by those He wants to hear. Your job is to plant the seed and step back and allow Him to be the Gardner.

Inspired by:

Ephesians 3:8-12 “To me, who am less than the least of all the saints, this grace was given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and make all see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the ages has been hidden in God who created all things through Jesus Christ; to the intent that now the manifold wisdom of God might be made known by the churches to the principalities and powers in heavenly places, according to the eternal purpose which He accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord, whom we have boldness and access with confidence through faith in Him.”

Ephesians 4:1-2 “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord beseech you to walk worth of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with long suffering, bearing with one another in love endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”